(Happenings in October 2019).
I have come to realize that I certainly am incapable of “fixing” the situation and it would not be good to go into building a relationship with that mentality. It would be naive or prideful of me to think in such a way. In regards to helping them, it would be a pity if I only did it out of pity or feelings of obligation. I have so much to learn through this. Natalia seems so genuine and she has lost so much; she is eager for more. We both seem to be emotional people who cling closely to other people and that is something we both have to be very careful of. I desire to do life with her, but I also have my life here and my parents here whom I love very dearly and never could imagine losing. I cannot tell you how mesmerized I am by Natalia and that I came from her! She considers me a “Minnie her”! Sometimes it feels like I’m talking to an older sister rather than to a mother because there isn’t any set authority there. But I respect her greatly and I can strongly sense a mother’s love (or at least longing for) from her. I naturally long to know her, learn from her situation, encourage, and help comfort. I want to mourn when they mourn and to rejoice when they rejoice. I want to walk through the joyful and the dark moments with them. I know God has the power to do anything He wills, but I also know He allows us to go our own way. I am aware that with such a good thing as this, there is heartache and there will be heartache, but I also see how God can be glorified in this. This particular story isn’t over yet. The Lord has been giving me endless opportunities to speak truth into Natalia’s life and she is completely open to it and eager for it.
Natalia has had many opportunities to help people around her which is such a blessing to hear! I try to discuss everything with my parents. I have yet to understand what God is doing in all of this, but I know that He is fulfilling a deep longing in my heart that I’ve had. This is a journey to walk closely with the Lord in. I am realizing that I long for more and sometimes it feels like my heart will never be satisfied. This I believe is the hand of God reminding me that this life is not my own and that this world is not my final resting place. There are burdens that I carry that need to be surrendered and lifted to the Lord. It is easier said than done. This will take time. This is my new and additional reality. Someone made the point to me that God loves all my family more than I ever could, about being faithful to what He has already given me, and that He is faithful to complete what He began.