(Happenings in December 2019).
Many of the thoughts I’ve had and my learnings have either been directly inspired by God or by faithful people of God who have shared taught me what God has revealed to them in time. It is all a wondrous cycle! None of this could turn out the way it is without the support of such loving people and my wonderful parents who give so much of themselves and who have taught me what true unconditional love is.... I’ve come to realize that the good things we see in people are often what we want to be. And we tend to deny the things we see that we don’t want to be like, unless we use it as a cop-out. Referring back to my past comments on identity... Maybe identity is word for lack of a better term. And maybe “identify with” is better use for this situation and there can be more than one of that. People identify with many things. But of all things, identity is the least of my concerns for now. A person can identify with being a ____, but one's identity is not in being a ____. When we lose something we identify with or when something we identify with is unreliable or gets jumbled, it is hard and it takes time to recover and readjust, time and time again, even when our identity is still in Jesus Christ... I’m learning that people need repetition. In other words, it doesn’t matter if it has been said before already. Looking for repetition in what others say, speaks volumes into what is important to them. And where ever you find yourself or someone else repeating something also highlights places that need attention...This experience is also teaching me that a person can make time for just about anything or anyone they really want. I never thought I would have such time for all of this journaling, messaging, translation, and Skyping among four people (my birth father hasn’t even stepped into the picture yet, although he has made attempts to). What is news one day, three days later, it is probably irrelevant or completely old news. I can see where a person’s heart could get cold and weary after so many years, that either you begin to not notice it anymore or you begin to not care anymore, and that can easily spill into other unrelated areas of life... It is so hard for someone to mean something so much to you that you think about them all the time, but you cannot be together and that is what gives me mixed feelings. Natalia and I feel the same way. And how can we feel so close when we have never met? is it all a mind game? I want to get on a plane right now and be there with them just to make it seem and feel more real. But for some reason, God has closed a door. I am more at peace with God keeping it from happening than it being just because of coincidence. I feel this way because I am confident and secure in the God I serve Who loves me and saved me. I trust that this door was closed because he didn’t want it to happen and it was not allowed to happen because God knows something I do not know or understand. But what I do know is that His ways are Higher than my ways and He knows what is best and needed at the perfect time.