(Happenings in January 2020).
Natalia is introducing me to more of her friends from her c-community. It is so helpful that many of these people knew Natalia in her past life and were in rehab also. They gather altogether every Sunday and meet in smaller groups throughout the week. There is also a children’s outreach. The area is filled with victims of war who are seeking refuge and they are able to walk alongside them and care for them. They are having to abide by certain restrictions in their area. However, they are working to expand their outreach. This c-commmunity sounds wonderful and I deeply desire to meet these people and help them in any way that I can. Every time Natalia returns from this community, she messages me all excited and tells me what she learned and what was discussed. She also sends me songs she likes and messages she hears that typically start a deep conversation for us that can sometimes last for over a couple of hours!
Natalia shared this with me:
“Today we sang this song that you like! But we sang it in Russian. It caused me to remember that you love this song and I sang it with a smile on my face!”
As I enter into this Spring semester of my college studies, it can be overwhelming to think about and anxiety-provoking. But much opportunity awaits if I manage to maintain balance and self-control. I've been attending a few therapy sessions. I decided with my therapist that I need to set boundaries. I will continue communication with Natalia daily through limited messaging, but we will schedule a time once a week to Skype. I message other birth family members once in a while and sometimes I Skype with my paternal aunt. I will also continue journaling, but if it triggers stress, then I need to trust that God will bring it to mind in the time needed. There are many wants, but I have to ask myself, "what is best?". I get to be mindful of my thoughts, using thanksgiving and praise to replace worry. I get to continue trusting that God is taking care of them and doing what only He can do. Considering my reality here in the U.S. and my distant yet close reality in Ukraine, I cannot constantly be present with both realities. If something doesn’t end up as planned, then I accept that it is out of my control and I entrust it into God’s hands who provides for my needs and sustains me. This is what must be done in order for me to give my best at everything and to live in healthy community. I must get used to the unknown and the uncertain, because that is life, and hold on to the One who is certain and Who understands all things.